"Most High"

Lyrics to a song written to a Grimey Beat from The Abyss. December 2016.

I stand before you, a metaphysical dilemma.
I exist to rezist in a world that desires my submission...
My death is certain, so I live on my terms.
The forces of creation; I manipulate, with all respect...
Day by day,
Mysteries that somehow seemed unsolved
Slowly become revealed.
I see my self through the smoke...

I'm the Goddess of The Godz.
I'm the Mother of Men.
In the Cosmos I'm well known...
I'm the Highest Of The High!

Shredding egos of the weak,
I'm that Jaguar made of heat
That devours you...
Fearless, as you try to escape;
I taste all your precious thoughts before I kiss and release them
As I help you realize,

You're the one in control!
You're the one in control...

To reform and rebuild, from cocoon to stardust...

As planets
Starlife
Supernovas

I've manifested my Self through many realms...

With my womb I split the atom, gave birth to SoulJahs...
At the foot of the mountain, I sacrificed my blood.
Fire, from the Sun I drew at night
To bring the first Sun Rise on Earth...
Milky Way runs through my breasts...
Alpha Beasts show me respect.

I'm the Goddess of the Godz.
I'm the Mother Of Men.
In the Cosmos I'm well know...
I'm the Highest of the High!

I'm that Sepent made of light
Creeping up through your spine...
Dissolving all you've ever known
As you look in my eyes...
My venom leave you
Mindblown.
Drag you down to The Abyss...
As I help you realize,

You're the one in control!
You're the one in control...

To reform and rebuild from cocoon to stardust.

The Question's Answer

My mind freezes my eyes as they stare into an imaginary horizon.

How is it possible for such deep pain to exist? Untouchable, unseen yet felt in fiber, in every muscle, in every frequency the heartbeat emits.

I sit and wonder upon the purpose of sorrow. 

Do I not appreciate life enough?
Is my love not deep or fierce enough?
Is my heart not pure enough?
My courage not hot enough?
What lesson am I not understanding?

Perhaps I have been wasting my time asking the UniVerse for blessings... forgetting I am the UniVerse itself and the blessings, it is I who manifest them.

I have detached myself from Romance and in reality I dwell among the harsh as my heart turns icy cold. Now I know happiness and suffering can be created by choice, but on Earth hearts tend to be cold; even in the prescence of my fire...

All I ever wanted was to enjoy life's simple pleasures and learn the science of truth.

On a quest for acceptance and understanding I almost lost the heat of spontaneity. 

The greatest lesson came when I finally accepted myself.

I realized my fire is the same one that fuels the cosmos. When my heart feels pain, the UniVerse weeps. When I rejoice, the Milky Way creates new life.

Releasing fear I acknowledge: I am the UniVerse. I mold it like clay in Potter's wheel. To deny myself is to lose my heart.
Self love is the answer... to all the questions that dwell inside.

My Childbirth Education Journey Update and Other Important Milestones

To All My Relations;

Greetings of Peace! May you be well as you read this.

I would like to take a moment to update everyone about my progress on my path to becoming a Childbirth Educator.

First, I would like to say some words in regards to my inactivity for this campaign...

Those that are close to me know that the past few months have been full of challenges and changes.  Circumstances beyond my control were; and in some ways still are; taking me through a journey in which I've had to play alchemist in order to rediscover the beautiful possibilities that everyday brings and turn obstacles into avenues of opportunity.

Without indulging too much into details, what I can say is that I've had to create an environment in which I can flourish in spite of any circumstance and this has not been easy.

I've had to learn and relearn how to not lose myself and care for myself all while being head of household as a co-parenting working mom and homeschooling my 6 year old daughter, still making time to move towards my goals.

The circumstances I was facing made me feel as if my stability was in question and I needed to focus on creating a solid base for myself again. 

I did not feel comfortable promoting this campaign and asking for donations of anyone's hard earned money without being sure that I would be able to completely focus on my studies again. This why I have been inactive in promoting this campaign and had not shared the link in a while, even though some of my friends and family have asked for the link so they could donate.

I thank you all for your patience and support. I am humbled!

I would also like to share some milestones that I am really excited about!

Through TICICALLI, the healing sisterhood and birthworker collective that I am so proud to be a part of, I've had the opportunity to co-host workshops regarding various wombyn's health issues; particularly mood disorders. Through these workshops we help create awareness in regards to issues that affect moms and families and we also provide links to helpful resources and support circles.

Our grassroots efforts have led us to connect with other groups families and organizations in the community and it has been a pleasure to develop our relationship based around the empowerment of mothers, families, friends and allies.

One of the groups that I've had the pleasure of building bonds with is MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH NOW. An organization which creates awareness in regards to Perinatal Depression and other mood disorders that affect moms. They provide lots of support and information to moms, families and professionals in order to better understand the various mood disorders that affect moms, their symptoms and treatment options. All while stressing the importance of emotional support and sensitivity towards the needs of moms experiencing a mood disorder.

I am happy to announce that I have recently joined the Maternal Mental Health Now (MMHN) Spanish Committee and I will be assisting in translating some literature to provide Spanish speaking families with up to date information and healing options when dealing and healing Maternal Mental Health Mood Disorders.

I would like to express my gratitude to MMHN for giving me this opportunity to help families in my community and I am looking forward to doing my part and supporting future projects the best that I can. Thank you to Gabrielle and all the awesome MMHN ladies!

Finally, my biggest milestones...

I am in the process of developing a series of small guides and presentations exploring some of our communities most prevalent issues such as Homeschooling, Knowledge Of Self, Depression, "Single Parenthood", Domestic Violence, Teens and Sexual Awakening, Sexual Abuse and Healing among many other developing topics.

This collection of work will be part of what I present to you as the ORIGINAL WOMBAN (OW) Support System. 

ORIGINAL WOMBAN Support System will be the avenue through which I will share my knowledge in regards to Childbirth Education, Parenthood, Natural Healing, Culture of Wombynhood, etc. OW will also create a space for Community Dialogue and will provide helpful resources to other healers and information.

Last but not least, I would like to introduce my family and community to the TOYPURINA TEOCALLI Center of Culture and Knowledge (TTCCK), which is the concept behind the homeschooling/unschooling journey my daughter and I have committed to. It's name is in honor of the Sacred feminine energy of love, warriorhood and protection rooted in our culture. Culture, defined as how we/one behaves in life guided by values and principles passed down throughout the generations based upon our PreColumbian ways which are based upon knowledge. Knowledge referring as to what is known from experience, induction and deduction. That which is sacred science and becomes wisdom.

We will be sharing some of our activities, links and ideas in order to connect with other parents who are also navigating through the homeschooling/unschooling journey. Our activities and topics of interest are health, gardening, non violent communication and healing, parent-child bonding and more...

This is a new era of my life; of awakening and movement. It has been a long road to walk, but finally I can say: "I am ready for the next level of my self!"

And it feels sooooo good!

Love, light and peace, my people... 

Thank you for your support and love, I could never express how much it truly means to me. I can only hope to put forth good work and show you how much I honor your presence in my life.

Sincerely, 

Zipaktli

"Reemergence" -A Letter to All My Relations

To all my relations,


I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the beautiful state of reemergence that i am currently experiencing and to express my gratitude to those who have stood strong with me throughout my healing path.

Those that are closest to me know that the last few years of my life have been full of drastic changes, challenges, transitions and mixed emotions, accumulating into what feels like an everlasting struggle... It has been hard for me to find a balance within myself. But my goal has always been to find an honorable path to walk towards becoming the master of my own life so that I may be of good service to my family and community. In this way reaching my maximum potential. So throughout the good and bad, i have done my best to stay focused and walking towards "the light at the end of the tunnel".
I feel like finally i am exiting that dark tunnel i found myself walking in for some time and now not only do i see the light but i am becoming one with it...

These past 2-3 years have been some of the hardest times in my life.  I've had to fight for my autonomy and it's a daily battle to maintain it.  I've had to rebuild my life from 0; in between hustles and unsatisfying and unstable jobs, sometimes, most often than not going hungry just to be able to give my daughter a full meal and make sure she lacks for nothing. This is a sacrifice many parents can relate to. And anybody who has ever separated from a relationship of partnership and has broken away from what used to be a family unit (divorce/brake up with kids involved) knows just how hard it is to rebuild yourself and establish stable routines again to gain control of "a new way of life" and become solid and whole within the self again.
I've had emotional and physical breakdowns. I've been exploited for my skills and labor. I've been disrespected. I've been broke and on the verge of depression. The only thing that has kept me from sinking is the love my daughter has for me, her smile, dreams, imagination, intellect and silliness.. Which reminds me that i am needed in this life and i am needed at my best in order to create a fruitful future for us. Regardless of the adversities that may present themselves along the way.

Finally, i would like to share that i recently reached my breaking point in many levels. I reached out to my closest friends and family and spoke up about the issues i had been facing for so long. With their help and love, i became strong enough to find truth within myself and discovered that the person i always knew i would become has been reaching out to me from the depths of my heart and my most high subconscious.
I discovered my calling to walk the healer's path and with the help of some very special and strong sisters, i have learned to believe in myself and stepped into my power.
I have stood before those who have disrespected me and questioned my honor the most and made the statement that i am not a doormat or a victim or a puppet. I AM A HUMAN BEING!
I am a human being with flaws and qualities. I have a clear vision for my future and a sense of direction. I am a valuable member of the community with lots to offer and nothing to lose but fear and insecurities. I am a dedicated mother and sister and I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO QUESTION THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF MY INTENTIONS BECAUSE I AM ONE WITH MYSELF and i am willing to be held accountable by those who are also honorable and have been there for me through my life journey.

With this said,i would like to thank my SISTERS: You have shown me the meaning of friendship, family and sisterhood. You have been an example of what it's like to walk in beauty and confidence. You motivate me to follow my path without fear and the importance of self love. I will forever be thankful for all you have done for me and i hope to one day be able to support you as you have supported me.

To my BROTHERS:
Thank you for treating me with respect and honor and lending an ear to hear a sister out. Thank you for showing support in my struggle and for providing the type of protection only strong brothers can provide. Your protection lets me know I'm not alone. To know that i can count on you is a blessing that words cannot describe. I want you to know that i am honored to know all of you strong brothers and that it's amazing to see that there are still REAL MEN out here who will stand up and speak up when one voice is not enough to make a statement that ABUSE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! I want you to know you can count on me. I give you my word that i will always treat you all with the honor and respect that you deserve as men and i will protect your integrity as you have protected mine...

To all my relations:
I have missed you dearly. This journey is hard and I've had some dark times. But I want you to know that you are all dear to me. The love and respect you have shown me is a debt of honor that i can never repay. I can only do my best to let you know that you are important to me. Even if i was in the shadows for a while, even if you didn't hear much from me in the last couple of years, i always think of you and i am thankful to the UniVerse for your friendship.

To the UniVerse within me:
I am here!!
I am strong because I am strength.
I am whole because there's no other me.
I radiate love because I AM LOVE. This new stage of my life is amazing and full of possibilities. I am ready for everyday knowing there's no greater force than will power and i will not submit to evil and fear.

Thank you, Creation! For life and the ability to experience it to the fullest.

I am Zipaktli XLahun. Crocodile 13.. The first and the last. One even without number two. I am here to let my work speak for myself and to lend a hand to those who need it...

Much love and gratitude to one and all!!!

See you in the next level of the spiral. Aho!

Special Acknowledgement of Gratitude and GoFundMe Campaign Update

Greetings friends and family!

I am reaching out taking a moment to acknowledge some beautiful people in my life as well as to share an update in regards to my gofundme campaign.

First of all I need to thank those that have donated some of your hard earned money to my efforts. As a working mother, I can understand that money does not come easy in this life. As a human being, I appreciate the gesture deeply and it fills my heart with inspiration to know that some people in this planet believe in me and are willing to share their resources in order to help me reach my goal. These donations come from love! There is no other place they could emerge from and this has been a deep realization for me. I am humbled. I do not have the words to fully express my gratitude at the moment, I just hope that through my journey I can make myself of service to my family and friends worldwide and one day be able to support the endeavours of others as well.

I also want to thank those that have shared the link to my campaign and that have shared words of love, encouragement and self-determination with me. I appreciate you sharing your energy greatly and your words don’t fall on deaf ears. I take your consideration and advice with all my respect and I am thankful to know that you exist and choose to share some of yourself with me. I just want you to know you are appreciated.

A special acknowledgement of gratitude goes out to my Ticicalli Yahualli sisters and all my Sister Healers on the path. You have supported me when I needed it the most and I want you to know that I am here for you too.

Thank you to all my loved ones. You make me better everyday.

Finally, I would like to update everyone about my gofundme campaign. A little over a month ago I began to have issues with my laptop, later I found it had virus and I had to do a lot of adjustments and maintenance to my system to get it up and running. There were some technical issues with the gofundme account as well. I could not make updates to my account and a lot of things were inaccessible no matter where I logged on from. I also was notified that the account was flagged as fraud. To make matters a bit harder. I dropped my phone and completely broke the screen so I was unable to update anything at all for a few days. It took some work and emails but finally I was able to clean my laptop, get  a new phone and addressed the issues going on with my campaign which was unable to accept donations until the issues were solved. So now my campaign is active again, I have received the money from the first donations, I found most of the books I need to buy online and I will purchase them soon!

So I am still on the path to becoming a Childbirth Educator and representing Indigenous Wombyn in the field of Human Care and Medicine. Day by day getting closer to my goal. Feeling like the UniVerse is on my side :)

From the bottom of my heart I thank you all for your love and support. One day I will share my knowledge with my family and community and it will be thanks to you! You know who you are!!

You are loved. You are appreciated. I am humbled and thankful.

Thank you for walking through this journey with me. It means the world to me to know you are by my side.

Love and Gratitude,

-Zipaktli XLahun

GoFundMe Link: gofundme.com/xt7fjsg

With Dreams of Representing Native Wombyn in the field of Natural Medicine, Childbirth Education and Healing. 

"Heart Of Agave"

Circumstantial life forces me to be cold.

My energy I must guard, my heart I must protect.

I have come to unveil: my instinct is to provide for one and all.

But in this world not everybody's gentle, not everybody loves.

Some individuals do not yield what it takes to build.

Some have no concept of foundation.

Those that do not know balance of self; all they can ever do is hurt.

So like an agave in maturity, my sweetness I defend.

Needle after needle. 

Spike after spike. 

Life is truly all I have.

My essence must survive.

Author Unknown. If you know the artist, please share the name in a comment.
TLAZOKAMATLI MAYAHUEL

Children's Temper Tantrums and Creating an Emotional and Mental Thread.

  Talking to a parent ally a few days ago, we came across the topic of dealing with children's temper tantrums and the things we can do as adults to help kids understand their own emotional outbursts. We talked about different ways that we have seen adults deal with this issue. Some walk away and do not address the issue with their child simply allowing the child to "cool off" on their own terms and time and once the child is ready he or she can resume normal activity with those present. Others try their very best to appease their children and go above and beyond to find a comfort measure that will bring happiness to the child again. Some others do a combination of both.

Digging deeper into the subject we came to asking the question: What is the most important thing that a child should learn when experiencing a tantrum?

This question brought me back a memory of an experience I had with my 5 year old daughter when she was 4. I can't remember the question she posed upon me, I just remember that it was a tough question for a 4 year old to ask and I had to answer somehow.
Honestly, I remember I gave her kind of a BS answer thinking the explanation was just too complicated for her to understand and that maybe if I gave her a half way answer, that would be enough for her.
What a lesson I learned that day!!!
She recited back the answer I gave her almost verbatim, but she had an air of doubt in her words as if I could almost hear her telling me "You mean to tell me this shit and expect me to be satisfied?!!"
When she finally finished reciting back my quack explanation she said: "That's kind of weird, like it doesn't make sense.".
I was shocked, looking at myself through the smoking mirror knowing my daughter didn't deserve a half way truth.
So I sat down next to her on the couch where she was peacefully playing with a toy and forced my self to find the best words to clearly deliver to her the answer she was looking for and deserved.

That day I learned that my child can comprehend great knowledge and reason as long as it is the simple and honest truth. She is creating a data base of information within her whole being. Like a computer program or any process, her questions, thought creation and conclusions have a beginning and an end.
She had a very real and important question in mind and she was creating a thread of information in order to understand they "why" behind an issue and come to her own understanding of it. It would be a disservice to her for me not to give her the right information.

How we applied this lesson to finding ways to deal with temper tantrums was that no matter what the child is fussing about, a child should be aware of the internal and external process that is arising within them.

For example:

• A group of children are playing a game. One of them wants to play something else, but everyone else is still having fun playing the current game. The child that wants to play something else becomes upset and begins to walk away from the group of children. The child now is communicating that is mad because the game will not be changed. The child is crying and yelling. What can we do?
• Various suggestions were made, these are some important points:
• Ask the child what she/he wants to play and why.
• Explain to the child that the other kids want to have fun with her/him and that they can try to play the game suggested later.
• If the child wants to play another game, encourage him/her to take a time out or water break with the kids and use that opportunity to suggest other games to play and come to an agreement TOGETHER.
• Explain to the child that it's ok to take a moment alone and consider all the options suggested.
• Remind the child that she/he is loved.
• Explain that even though she/he might be upset now, she will feel better in time and once she/he is ready a space for dialogue will be made available to them.
• Paint a picture for them from start to finish. Recollecting the events that led to the tantrum and brainstorm together as to what can be done to create happiness again.

I love my daughter and I appreciate her and all the things we have learned together. Helping her understand herself forces me to pause and think critically about the lessons that I am passing down to her, because now I understand the mental and emotional imprint that I am creating within her reality. As a parent, it is my loving duty to help her find the best coping methods and paths to finding emotional clarity and peace of mind.

Here's to you, parents and allies! Thank you for your love and efforts. Together we can create a great future for generations to come...

"Perspectives" blog series 2015